85 days till departure

im not going to lie i am sitting here on my bed and my ticket is posted on the wall right across from me and i keep eyeballing it and every time i can feel the knots turning in my stomach.  There are moments in the day, sometimes, that when i take a moment to stop and think about it, i get so nervous and sick, but this complete rush. rush of what i dont know, uncertainty maybe? excitement? scared? all of the above and then some? ill go with the last one. guess it normal. right? I feel like its so far a way and i have time to take care of everything. but then i start mapping out everything and time lines that i have set for my self i think. what the fuck. i have no damn time. i need to not slack off at the moment, the whole thing is a mind fuck. like i dont recall a day lately where i feel like my head is spinning out of control.   i mean that in the best way possible of course. but it is seriously time to stop the horsing around and get serious. im a lame tard and started marking the days off on the calendar but seriously though it makes the days go by so much faster it seems. like where the fuck did the month of october go.  ya, with trying to map out my life and journey, get rid of things in my house, planning a baby shower, moving back home for a month, dancing, going to the gym, trying to manage my money, its all going to be a challenge. I have been blessed so far with the way my life is right now, so blessed, which is why this is going to be difficult because i am transitioning into a whole new lifestyle that i am hardly comfortable in. But honestly and much of a pussy as i feel right now, i know this is what i need, and something i have been longing for which is what i need to keep telling myself. I have a great checklist things mapped out maybe not to the "t" yet but it is going to get there. but with the days going down i need to turn up the notch. i so much more to come but i think this is all for now. stay tuned.