still at 29

ahhhh i just got out a really nice shower. i totally had a moment in the shower too. no not like that kind of moment either you pervs! like a thinking to my self. going through everything with myself. like really talking to myself.  ya know, tomorrow is the day, the day i (hope) to get a clearer aspect of the damage i have done to myself and the new journey of mine. ahh thats the perfect way to say it "this is not the way i was hoping to close this chapter in my life." it really isn't though. but tomorrow i will get a clearer image of the kinda of damage i have done. But here i am again examining that number 29. now that 29 hmmmm thats what i am fighting for. tha number is my destiny right now. like i need this. being home has made me realize a lot of things thus far in my life that need to change. and nothing like horrible but im ready for the freedom, the opportunity to be myself, find myself, to challenge myself, to conquer my passions. im in such need of it. my blood is hungry for it; craving it. i swear im an addict ready for that fix at this point. like for me. getting to wake up somewhere new in the world everyday, waking up getting to go dance, and learn, and learn, and learn, and dance, and dance all day go back to my bed and wake up and do it all over again and then move on to a new place and do it there. thats my fucking thrill right there. let me tell you!!! honestly i could give two flying birds to all that partying crap. i did enough of that in college and high school and then some. its time for me to get to do what JOHN wants and make something of his life. cause god knows i need it more than anything, for my own sanity! So my sister is doing great right now! about to pop this beautiful new baby out any day now. and she looks flawless. away from the side not there...i feel ready and im ready to start fighting for these 29 days...even if i have to push it back just a tiny bit and i might have to rearrange some travels and im settling with it or at least trying to at the moment, cause im going to have to at some point now and the earlier the better. so i heard that a mentor of mine booked an amazing gig.and im so utterly proud of him like i cant even speak of the words of how proud of him i am. this is going to be an amazing time in his life. and that is what i aspire for. i really do and that is what this next chapter is of my life and im fighting for it. and im going balls to the wall.  i want it so bad. sooooooooo baaaaaddd!!! yes i do. i do. and thank you for reading this.