DaNcEsUrFeR!: Dublin Round 2

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Dublin Round 2

Dear Dublin,

God damn! You dot his tome every time! Always unexpected! My life story at this point right?!! I came here looking for something, someone, and I left with something completely different. But it was one of the best things that could have happened to me. Tho the situation didn't turn out the way I wanted. I gain so much more than I could have ever asked for. I learned more about myself. For such a long time I have wanted to know what it would be like to comfortable in my own skin. And now I can say I am. I wanted to take a big chance on something I was most scared of. Tho it didn't come out that they way I wanted I still took that chance, and I went way out of my own comfort zone to do it. And to me that is a bigger accomplishment than any guy! Even tho I won't lie there are still moment that I daydream or imagine the what ifs. Like as I sit here at the airport I wish Monkey was sitting here holding my hand, or he would rush through those sliding doors as I walk through the gates to give me a kiss. Haha such wishful thinking. But I remember that this is reality. And there is no chance of that. Plus he probably has his tongue wrapped around that Venezuelan dude. Oh well his loss someone else's gain right? I mean i doubt no one would do what i did. Im actually guaranteed no one would. But i try to catch myself and move forward! This really goes to show that things do happen for a reason. I also had such am amazing time hanging out with people I now consider to be my extremely close friends. Ding,Matt, Emiear, and the whole So Little Crew! And the dance community in Dublin. I can't express how happy these people make me and the love I have for them! The opportunities they have given me. The definitely took my mind off things and snapped me back to reality real quick! I couldn't be more grateful to them. I made so may friends here in Dublin it is so crazy! It hurts my heart that I have to leave them. But I must move forward and conquer my dreams of London. Which I am so excited to be going back in a couple of days. My last stop is Amsterdam. And I'm excited but I am going with a clear head. Not expectations. It's so hard leaving Dublin. Ever time I walk through those gates. I just want to cry. I feel like I'm leaving a piece of my heart behind. But I must go where my soul is. Such a tug of war. Gotta keep truckin tho. Right now I feel I have no time to wallow. I just need to dance. Dance these emotions out. It weird the times I feel I need to dance the most I am always in an airport I feel. But I am moving on now and there is no more looking back on the what ifs, the shoulda couldas. I'm ready and I feel more ready then before I even left to Europe. It's gonna be a struggle, there are going to be a lot of ups and down coming my way , but I have to say I'm ready. And I have to thank you Dublin for giving me what I need!

CHEERS
John

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prequel

alright, this is for those of you who are either reading this for your first time and have no idea about me. just have no idea about me period, or just have no time and you do know me but just wanna read this. haha. :P . anyhow I'm John, nice to meet you! and welcome! lets get right to the nitty and grity of why we are really here shall we. So I hail from the Bay Area up near San Francisco. i love it there! definitely one of the best places to be on earth!!! I have one mother andone father no step-anything. divorced. and then there is only me. between two parents who hate each other. awkward. lol. I will say though i have come to accept my relationship with both my parents and i love them both unconditionally. I've been in school for past 20 somethin' years, and finally just finished at Cal State Northirdge. i hate school. love learning, but hate school, I'm just no good at it. ha! but true, those learning disabilities are no joke. and the amount of drugs i did as a youngster didn't help either i bet! lol! hey,six and half-ish years into sobriety i can crack jokes and laugh about it, ok. lol. yeah that time in my life deserves a blog to itself. back to me now. lol. I'm at a point in my life where its time to be me. I use to be really fat had really bad teeth. (basically me finally becoming sober) and pretty much a lot of work later I at least have a little more confidence(still a work in process). Another I'm finally at a point in my life where i have been dreaming about and have been working to get to. and still i feel as though I'm completely dreaming and almost denying it is happening even though i am completely aware it is. again, i will get more into detail about this in the blog. so just hold the fuck up, alright! :P i have a dirty mouth and for about half the day give or take a few hours a dirty mind, so i should say now if you don't think you handle what i have to say id advise you to stop reading now. not to mention i have been told that i have a mouth on me and most the time i happen to be that guy that says all the wrong things at the wrong time, or always come out wrong. certainly something i working on cause im really not a dick. i swear. cause the point of this thing is to just say whatever is in my head. trust me its just as awkward for you as it is for me. trust me. I'm pretty much an open book right now, so nothing is off limits. but if this helps to understand where i am at in life right now; not only am i using this as a tool to record this era of my life, but most of this is therapeutic to me, and the thought of other people reading this and getting inside my head (if they understand it or not depends. lol.) kinda pushes some of my buttons i like. don't ya think? oh well. So if you didnt catch from the title that i am a dancer . then i dont know what to tell you. dumbass. well that is me. i am a dancer. i love everything about dance, i truely do I even went as deep as to , the feeling it gives me when i move, the amazing people you ge to meet, well some aren't so great people but we just wont talk about them. continuing on. the passion it fills me with. never knowing where it is going to take me. who the fuck could not love that. me. right here. yes me. i couldn't love it more and and i am ready for more. feed me. OK I must make a quick shout out to the three people who truly are I can even find the word. Ummmm. I must just say that these three people are my sisters, my angels, my world. I would certainly take a bullet for them without out even having to think twice. Chrisi & Selina Kayo, and Rebecca Dilg. I will say though no one get me like these three, the memories, tears, lies, sex, drugs (Becca was the good girl so count her out for this one),fallouts, and what-not. but as Kennis would say “different cities, same area code”! not enough could be said about these girls. they are seriously how I got to where I have today, they inspire me and keep me in that fight for your dream mentality. well on that note and being done with the emotional part i think i should stop there and just do the damn thing already...ready. set. go.