Love lost!

Loss of my wifey 

I just found out through a friend of mine and of course clarified it through Facebook that I have lost my friend, my dance motivation, my wifey Mariana! My whole world is crush. Together we were both battling the same situation trying to get visa in different countries. We both shared the same passion for dance. It is who we are not only what we loved to do. All we wanted to do was dance. I had the pleasure of sharing the same room with her during the fnf convention where. Not only that but we were unrepeatable. We spent all week attached at each others hip! We woke up everyday danced, talked about it and dreamed about it. We gave each other confidence. I feel my world came crashing down tonight. It's been a long time since someone I knew so close has passed. This world docent even know what has gone. She was true talent and soul! It makes me sick thinking she is no longer here! It happened so quick! But why? Why on earth did she go? She had so much left to give!!! She had dreams she never got to conquer. Same dreams like me. I'm going to live them for the both of us!! I will make sure I see our dreams for the both of us. Even though we were joe s apart she had a major Impact on my life! It feels just like yesterday we were frolicking in the depths of Poland dancing our way to class in the snow. She was suppose to come and stay here with me in London for a little bit. Cause she had never been here! And wanted to try the dance scene and I was going to show her!! It's moment like these again I wish I had Dominic here to hold me while I cry like a baby! Wy why why why why?!?!?!?!? Beauty, passion, and life! She gave it all! She had a smile that would spread like wildfire. A heart made of pure gold. I remember for so long when I was working at Debbie how I would admire her! The way she danced. So sexy. Hahaha. She said sexy was her thing. But I always just wanted to be friends with her. And then we started saying hi and smiling at each other as we passed each other. And I always wondered what it would be like if we ever became friends. Then she started working at Debbie's as a work study! We got to know each other a bit more. But then she left for China. Didn't think I would see her again cause i was going to London. But when I saw her n that bus. Everything started. We talked the whole way from the station to the camp. 3 hours. Nonstop. Talking. And when we arrived we decided we wanted to room together. And then the more and more got to know each other it's like we were meant to be. We were so similar. Everything. It was crazy. I can't you how much I am hurt right now. I remember looking back as she drove off in the cab the morning we went out separate ways in Poland. She said bye hubby! I said by wifey! Gave me a big warm hug! I never thought that, that would be last time I saw her! It's just unbelievable. 

So I was just having a sob feat in my room. And it was so sweet one of my roommates just came in and sat there with me and held me as I cried in her arms. And then she led me out to the kitchen and everyone gave me a hug and let me know I am ok. And then things will get better!! As hard of times as these are I feel like she is here right now. Being in a house full of Latinos I know she is here in spirit with me. Consoling me.telling me everything is going to be ok and that I need to keep going and fight for what we both wanted. So I think this is going to be a big change for me. This is the first lost for me in the dance community where I have lost someone close to me.  I plan on making it for the both of us. Giving us both the opportunity. Making her proud. Cause I know I can. We shared things in that room we shared with no one else. It was no hold bard. I dare not repeat them but I know I can don't and cause of her I know I can too. So I will carry on with our dreams of getting our wish.  Mariana I know you are here and I just want to tell you how much I love you! And how much you are missed right now and I will be thinking of you through this process and how you are going to push me when times get tough. This is a heavy weight n my heart right now, but through time I will get better. I wish I had certain people here, but this is part of being on my own dealing with certain struggles and battling through them. But I am glad to have my roomies here now that have lifted my spirits through laughter and love. Even though we have only known each other a week we have sort of built a family. Sadly be is leaving next week cause she got a job sort is going tone sad to see her gout girl has got to make money. Fuck I still can't believe she is gone. This is going to take some time to get use to! Knowing when I message her she isn't going to message back! I want to know why, her, why? Makes no sense. I can't help but think that this girl I became so close with not so long ago is now no longer here and cold and soon to be lying in the ground. It just doesn't make sense. I can't fathom this still.