DaNcEsUrFeR!: 48

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

48

Last night was amazing. Simply amazing minus the awkward ending to my night. And big thank you to my family at Debbie's. They gave with a beautiful send off and surprised me with a cake. Which may I add by the end of the night that cake was devoured. I'm really sad that tonight is going to be one of my last class with the wonderful Kristen Lorello! What am I going to do with out her?!? I'm officially done as a workstudy at Debbie Reynolds and I have to say it was the best experience I have ever had. Everyone had so many kind words to say to me and wishing me luck on my new journey. I didn't even know that many people even realized I was visible. It just meant the world to me. I didn't cry. Even tho I wanted to really badly!! But I felt good leaving like I'm ready to learn more and from around the world. It was peaceful to let it go knowing I'm not leaving to do something dumb but making better choices in my life that will help me progress as a dancer and as a person in this world. The more and more I hear the positive things people say to me the more and more I feel ok with everything. But I am certainly NOT okay with the way I have been eating.... Ohhh my gosh I feel as big as a constipated moose! My body feels a little torn up and a little lop-sided, I feel like I'm waddling a little bit. Haha. But other than that nothing a little rest won't help and some major time in the gym. So today I'm focusing on getting the rest of the stuff broken down and out of my apartment and into the trash! But once I get everything out I will feel.......I have no idea yet. But at least I got something done. Can I just add I can't wait to NOT have car! They are just too much to up keep. Fuck it
If I ever come back I am getting a motorcycle. There is always something wrong with the car when u take it in. I believe they either wait and don't tell you till the next time. Or while working on it purposely fuck with it. Annoying. Anywho. I'm very ready now to move on. For some reason feel like till I leave I'm over the emotional part. Can't afford it. Cause then it just holds me back. And I hate being behind. You know sometimes you just have to put that wall up to keep yourself going?! Anybody?! Even though u don't want to cause you wanna be sad with everyone else and cry and do all that. Ya well.... Not today. Lol. Right now I'm just thinking of moving on and forward. So with that it's time to get my day started I think. But before i go i mist explain the awkward ending to my night. Has anyone ever had a guy or girl that you might have slept with over , you do the deed and you just want them to leave right after, but they hang around and your like WTF?! Did I say I wanted to kick it?! No. Ya so that happened to me. Note to self never again. With that I will catch up with you people later!

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prequel

alright, this is for those of you who are either reading this for your first time and have no idea about me. just have no idea about me period, or just have no time and you do know me but just wanna read this. haha. :P . anyhow I'm John, nice to meet you! and welcome! lets get right to the nitty and grity of why we are really here shall we. So I hail from the Bay Area up near San Francisco. i love it there! definitely one of the best places to be on earth!!! I have one mother andone father no step-anything. divorced. and then there is only me. between two parents who hate each other. awkward. lol. I will say though i have come to accept my relationship with both my parents and i love them both unconditionally. I've been in school for past 20 somethin' years, and finally just finished at Cal State Northirdge. i hate school. love learning, but hate school, I'm just no good at it. ha! but true, those learning disabilities are no joke. and the amount of drugs i did as a youngster didn't help either i bet! lol! hey,six and half-ish years into sobriety i can crack jokes and laugh about it, ok. lol. yeah that time in my life deserves a blog to itself. back to me now. lol. I'm at a point in my life where its time to be me. I use to be really fat had really bad teeth. (basically me finally becoming sober) and pretty much a lot of work later I at least have a little more confidence(still a work in process). Another I'm finally at a point in my life where i have been dreaming about and have been working to get to. and still i feel as though I'm completely dreaming and almost denying it is happening even though i am completely aware it is. again, i will get more into detail about this in the blog. so just hold the fuck up, alright! :P i have a dirty mouth and for about half the day give or take a few hours a dirty mind, so i should say now if you don't think you handle what i have to say id advise you to stop reading now. not to mention i have been told that i have a mouth on me and most the time i happen to be that guy that says all the wrong things at the wrong time, or always come out wrong. certainly something i working on cause im really not a dick. i swear. cause the point of this thing is to just say whatever is in my head. trust me its just as awkward for you as it is for me. trust me. I'm pretty much an open book right now, so nothing is off limits. but if this helps to understand where i am at in life right now; not only am i using this as a tool to record this era of my life, but most of this is therapeutic to me, and the thought of other people reading this and getting inside my head (if they understand it or not depends. lol.) kinda pushes some of my buttons i like. don't ya think? oh well. So if you didnt catch from the title that i am a dancer . then i dont know what to tell you. dumbass. well that is me. i am a dancer. i love everything about dance, i truely do I even went as deep as to , the feeling it gives me when i move, the amazing people you ge to meet, well some aren't so great people but we just wont talk about them. continuing on. the passion it fills me with. never knowing where it is going to take me. who the fuck could not love that. me. right here. yes me. i couldn't love it more and and i am ready for more. feed me. OK I must make a quick shout out to the three people who truly are I can even find the word. Ummmm. I must just say that these three people are my sisters, my angels, my world. I would certainly take a bullet for them without out even having to think twice. Chrisi & Selina Kayo, and Rebecca Dilg. I will say though no one get me like these three, the memories, tears, lies, sex, drugs (Becca was the good girl so count her out for this one),fallouts, and what-not. but as Kennis would say “different cities, same area code”! not enough could be said about these girls. they are seriously how I got to where I have today, they inspire me and keep me in that fight for your dream mentality. well on that note and being done with the emotional part i think i should stop there and just do the damn thing already...ready. set. go.