DaNcEsUrFeR!: 61

SO in exactly 2 months from today i am going to be starting a new chapter in my life. and surprisingly today i don't feel the stress because i feel like i am going to be ok somehow. i dont know. but i feel alright about everything despite all the shit i still need to do. i just got to have faith at this point in myself and whoever the fuck is watching over me. really all i can do is move forward with what i have planned, not change anything (unless i really really need to) or ideas and just go with it.

So now I am working at Debbie's one more week longer which sucks cause i wont be able to take any Monday classes before i leave. DAMMIT!! honestly its petty shit not even worth getting mad over, it could be worse, but it also rushed me to get my stuff home to the bay and then rush down to LA to get my car and go back to the bay. in a day. yeah. sounds like fun right??!?

And i don't know if this is normal or what, but to give you a insiders glimpse. i have been seeing a couple guys here and there (and i saw two last night which is why im bringing this up), and i have had emotional connection to any of them, sex is alright, but i have no emotional connection with no one. and i don't care to. kinda like (my hero) Dexter where there is no emotion. blank. normal? you would think with at least one of them i would be like oh yeah, your hot, great sex, good times out, but nope i leave them and think " damn i want more dick and from someone new." and is it bad that when i am having sex i am thinking to myself "ok so whats on the agenda for tomorrow" i stare at the clock or m head goes off into another world and i almost forget i am having sex with someone. Its become meaningless to me. where am i going with this? maybe i will find someone with something in London. maybe that is what is bringing me over there (other than to dance) but maybe the love of my life is sending me signals in my sleep (cause i constantly dream of being in Europe, especially lately its been more frequent) to come over there and he will find me. GOSH that sounds like a pathetic chick-flick. i remember when i was younger and i use to dream that i was meant to be in-love and be a stay at home daddy. ya that went out the window at about 18. but i think there is a small part of me that wants to find that thing keep always claim they are in called love. especially the gay they fall in love in nanoseconds. its disgusting. fuck i cant even share a bed with my sister, couldnt even imagine trying to share one with some dude. maybe after a while of being together but ya no. i dont see it happening for a long while. well enough with the sob story

My grandma is coming down for her last trip to LA in a week for thanksgiving. it is going to be fun. im excited. then again she is really the only one who ever comes to visit me. everyone else i know in the bay pretty much hates LA. i dont blame them, but its like just cause you hate the damn city doesn't mean you shouldn't come see me!! Thats always my moms excuse i hate LA and i cant find anyone to watch the dogs. she has been her less then a handful since i have lived here, or maybe just about a handful. but certain not two hands full. so it is always nice when someone like to come visit me from my family. Dont get me wrong im not hating on my mom I know she loves me and i certainly lover her with all my heart but i will say i do think she lover her dongs more than me sometimes. it take the jaws of life to separate her from her dogs or me graduating. but it kinda funny at times. PAUSE A MOMENT TO SAY DRAKES NEW ALBUM IS THE SHIT!!! so i am not sure where to take her for thanksgiving? anyone got any suggestions? You'd think id know of any places but i really dont. but i am sure she will be happy with anything, she just likes being with me lol.

so i am going to conclude here for the day and by doing so i am posting some pictures that i took while up in the bay and some from Debbies. ONElove.