DaNcEsUrFeR!: 62

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

62

So tomorrow marks my 2 months till i leave. I am becoming more and more stressed now cause i only have two weeks left here in LA and i need to get rid on my shit in my apartment. im getting nervous everyone is going to bail on me who said they were going to buy some of my things from me. One already has and now I am fearing they all will. so what did i do, put all that shit on craigslist. and lets hope to god someone right now will take them within the next two weeks. otherwise i am fucked cause i was hoping to use that for money to move. see it is shit like this i am fearful of i have a goal and i am afraid i wont reach it in time. it trips me out cause if it doesn't work out i have to rethink my entire strategy and what i am going to do. FUUUUUCK!!! thats the last thing i want to do i already need to go back through and now do more detailing but to have to cut anything will suck major balls but i am going to work my ass off to make sure that doesnt happen. UUUGHHH and then there are bills on top of more bills, and these bills are not helping me save. i cant wait to get out of here cause i will feel like a major pressure has been put off my shoulders and then i can just focus on getting ready and saving saving money and making money. how i no clue yet ill be home. so this is all going to be a challenge plus ill be with my sister who i knocked up. this is going to be a fucking trip, and up till i leave im still taking care of other people and not even myself. i need to take care of myself for my own sanity, which is why i cant wait to leave. i swear these nerves are giving me the worst anxiety right now. sooooooo not cool. so i am working on closing all my bills right now. finalizing all little things so i will get back to you later.

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prequel

alright, this is for those of you who are either reading this for your first time and have no idea about me. just have no idea about me period, or just have no time and you do know me but just wanna read this. haha. :P . anyhow I'm John, nice to meet you! and welcome! lets get right to the nitty and grity of why we are really here shall we. So I hail from the Bay Area up near San Francisco. i love it there! definitely one of the best places to be on earth!!! I have one mother andone father no step-anything. divorced. and then there is only me. between two parents who hate each other. awkward. lol. I will say though i have come to accept my relationship with both my parents and i love them both unconditionally. I've been in school for past 20 somethin' years, and finally just finished at Cal State Northirdge. i hate school. love learning, but hate school, I'm just no good at it. ha! but true, those learning disabilities are no joke. and the amount of drugs i did as a youngster didn't help either i bet! lol! hey,six and half-ish years into sobriety i can crack jokes and laugh about it, ok. lol. yeah that time in my life deserves a blog to itself. back to me now. lol. I'm at a point in my life where its time to be me. I use to be really fat had really bad teeth. (basically me finally becoming sober) and pretty much a lot of work later I at least have a little more confidence(still a work in process). Another I'm finally at a point in my life where i have been dreaming about and have been working to get to. and still i feel as though I'm completely dreaming and almost denying it is happening even though i am completely aware it is. again, i will get more into detail about this in the blog. so just hold the fuck up, alright! :P i have a dirty mouth and for about half the day give or take a few hours a dirty mind, so i should say now if you don't think you handle what i have to say id advise you to stop reading now. not to mention i have been told that i have a mouth on me and most the time i happen to be that guy that says all the wrong things at the wrong time, or always come out wrong. certainly something i working on cause im really not a dick. i swear. cause the point of this thing is to just say whatever is in my head. trust me its just as awkward for you as it is for me. trust me. I'm pretty much an open book right now, so nothing is off limits. but if this helps to understand where i am at in life right now; not only am i using this as a tool to record this era of my life, but most of this is therapeutic to me, and the thought of other people reading this and getting inside my head (if they understand it or not depends. lol.) kinda pushes some of my buttons i like. don't ya think? oh well. So if you didnt catch from the title that i am a dancer . then i dont know what to tell you. dumbass. well that is me. i am a dancer. i love everything about dance, i truely do I even went as deep as to , the feeling it gives me when i move, the amazing people you ge to meet, well some aren't so great people but we just wont talk about them. continuing on. the passion it fills me with. never knowing where it is going to take me. who the fuck could not love that. me. right here. yes me. i couldn't love it more and and i am ready for more. feed me. OK I must make a quick shout out to the three people who truly are I can even find the word. Ummmm. I must just say that these three people are my sisters, my angels, my world. I would certainly take a bullet for them without out even having to think twice. Chrisi & Selina Kayo, and Rebecca Dilg. I will say though no one get me like these three, the memories, tears, lies, sex, drugs (Becca was the good girl so count her out for this one),fallouts, and what-not. but as Kennis would say “different cities, same area code”! not enough could be said about these girls. they are seriously how I got to where I have today, they inspire me and keep me in that fight for your dream mentality. well on that note and being done with the emotional part i think i should stop there and just do the damn thing already...ready. set. go.