DaNcEsUrFeR!: 5 days left!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

5 days left!

Thoughts

Morning:Finally left and I am a free man!! I am not just a guy that is passing thought!! Got to say it was hard not to cry when I walk away from my family but I wanted to prove to them that I am a string man, won't lie I tears up a little bit though but that was when I got in the car! Fuck I just want this crying stuff to stop and just on the plane!! But I can't believe this is really happening right now !! I have been waiting months for this. And I'm almost there. Just a few more days till I am on that plane and this new journey truly starts!

Afternoon: So I am finally here at Debbie's and I have to say it feels so good to be "home" where I feel comfortable!! But I won't lie my stomach right ow is killing me its a mixture of emotions I'm sad, nervous, anxious, i miss my family already and I'm not even on the plane yet! My stomach has been in knots since I have left my real home. Like my palms have been not stop sweating and It was a long ass car ride to get here it felt normally the drive seems so short but this one felt long as fuck but I enjoyed it being with A has been amazing! He is an amazing man and I could be more grateful that I got to have someone like that in my life! And the things he has done for me I couldn't ask for more!!

Night:So I just got the shower a min ago I feel like I have just washed the past away. You know when you get out the shower and you just feel like "damn I needed that and needed that badly" well I had that x10000000! The end now that I am here with brandie we got a glass of bubbly and a movie and thawing a team meeting!!!so I am out for the night

And I have some pictures too but your gonna have to look at my Facebook for those!!

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prequel

alright, this is for those of you who are either reading this for your first time and have no idea about me. just have no idea about me period, or just have no time and you do know me but just wanna read this. haha. :P . anyhow I'm John, nice to meet you! and welcome! lets get right to the nitty and grity of why we are really here shall we. So I hail from the Bay Area up near San Francisco. i love it there! definitely one of the best places to be on earth!!! I have one mother andone father no step-anything. divorced. and then there is only me. between two parents who hate each other. awkward. lol. I will say though i have come to accept my relationship with both my parents and i love them both unconditionally. I've been in school for past 20 somethin' years, and finally just finished at Cal State Northirdge. i hate school. love learning, but hate school, I'm just no good at it. ha! but true, those learning disabilities are no joke. and the amount of drugs i did as a youngster didn't help either i bet! lol! hey,six and half-ish years into sobriety i can crack jokes and laugh about it, ok. lol. yeah that time in my life deserves a blog to itself. back to me now. lol. I'm at a point in my life where its time to be me. I use to be really fat had really bad teeth. (basically me finally becoming sober) and pretty much a lot of work later I at least have a little more confidence(still a work in process). Another I'm finally at a point in my life where i have been dreaming about and have been working to get to. and still i feel as though I'm completely dreaming and almost denying it is happening even though i am completely aware it is. again, i will get more into detail about this in the blog. so just hold the fuck up, alright! :P i have a dirty mouth and for about half the day give or take a few hours a dirty mind, so i should say now if you don't think you handle what i have to say id advise you to stop reading now. not to mention i have been told that i have a mouth on me and most the time i happen to be that guy that says all the wrong things at the wrong time, or always come out wrong. certainly something i working on cause im really not a dick. i swear. cause the point of this thing is to just say whatever is in my head. trust me its just as awkward for you as it is for me. trust me. I'm pretty much an open book right now, so nothing is off limits. but if this helps to understand where i am at in life right now; not only am i using this as a tool to record this era of my life, but most of this is therapeutic to me, and the thought of other people reading this and getting inside my head (if they understand it or not depends. lol.) kinda pushes some of my buttons i like. don't ya think? oh well. So if you didnt catch from the title that i am a dancer . then i dont know what to tell you. dumbass. well that is me. i am a dancer. i love everything about dance, i truely do I even went as deep as to , the feeling it gives me when i move, the amazing people you ge to meet, well some aren't so great people but we just wont talk about them. continuing on. the passion it fills me with. never knowing where it is going to take me. who the fuck could not love that. me. right here. yes me. i couldn't love it more and and i am ready for more. feed me. OK I must make a quick shout out to the three people who truly are I can even find the word. Ummmm. I must just say that these three people are my sisters, my angels, my world. I would certainly take a bullet for them without out even having to think twice. Chrisi & Selina Kayo, and Rebecca Dilg. I will say though no one get me like these three, the memories, tears, lies, sex, drugs (Becca was the good girl so count her out for this one),fallouts, and what-not. but as Kennis would say “different cities, same area code”! not enough could be said about these girls. they are seriously how I got to where I have today, they inspire me and keep me in that fight for your dream mentality. well on that note and being done with the emotional part i think i should stop there and just do the damn thing already...ready. set. go.