DaNcEsUrFeR!: More Paris....

Saturday, February 4, 2012

More Paris....

I have to say tho as I was walking out the studio and walking around. And they say this is the city of love and see it. A lot of couples here. It kinda its me in a awkward state. Cause I am loving what I am doing, and I wouldn't change it for the world. But makes me realize how alone I really am. In a foreign country where I don't know anyone. I'm starting to miss my twin and baby nephew and my family. But I know it's because it's just that missing home feeling it will pass. I've just been surrounded by people since I've been traveling, but here in paris i have no one. No one talks to you, and you do there is a language barrier. Kinda sucks, but thank goodness I'm out of here soon. I got my trip to Sweden and Poland all sorted today. I'm so stoked. All I have to do it pay for the FNF convention. Its gonna be about 450 dollars but it is going to cover everything I need for the week so I don't have to worry about spending money for a whole week which is good cause I hate seeing those dollar signs decreasing. Gotta figure out what I am going to after. Where to go?! The good thing is I have the freedom to do anything. But yeah. Looking around this coffee shop a majority of these people are couples. Makes me miss someone. Like really bad. And I can't help but think of that person. Wonder if he thinks about me. There are moments I have to stop and think ok think Of something else now. Cause I am sure that person isnt their going about about their life. and I need to do the same. If it was ment to be fate will bring up together one day. And it makes me want to start my life just be done traveling after a few more countries and start my life so I can focus on me. Yes I know more selfishness. But really I'm so ready I want to start doing something with my life. Sounds weird cause you would think I am. Traveling, dancing, doing what I love, but I'm anxious to get to the next level, maybe I am just rushing things, maybe it is just Paris, and what this city makes me feel,but I am certainly feeling anxious. I don't know I feel like a hot mess right now. But why?!?! Wtf is going on maybe I just need to get some good sleep. I don't know. I don't know what I need to do. Dance some more forget about it all and just dance away. Lol. Ok Debbie Downer much John. Slap myself out of this. I think it is time for a nap and start with a fresh mind. Old school Avril right now is feeding me everything. God damn!! Alright nap time. Well food then nap!!

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prequel

alright, this is for those of you who are either reading this for your first time and have no idea about me. just have no idea about me period, or just have no time and you do know me but just wanna read this. haha. :P . anyhow I'm John, nice to meet you! and welcome! lets get right to the nitty and grity of why we are really here shall we. So I hail from the Bay Area up near San Francisco. i love it there! definitely one of the best places to be on earth!!! I have one mother andone father no step-anything. divorced. and then there is only me. between two parents who hate each other. awkward. lol. I will say though i have come to accept my relationship with both my parents and i love them both unconditionally. I've been in school for past 20 somethin' years, and finally just finished at Cal State Northirdge. i hate school. love learning, but hate school, I'm just no good at it. ha! but true, those learning disabilities are no joke. and the amount of drugs i did as a youngster didn't help either i bet! lol! hey,six and half-ish years into sobriety i can crack jokes and laugh about it, ok. lol. yeah that time in my life deserves a blog to itself. back to me now. lol. I'm at a point in my life where its time to be me. I use to be really fat had really bad teeth. (basically me finally becoming sober) and pretty much a lot of work later I at least have a little more confidence(still a work in process). Another I'm finally at a point in my life where i have been dreaming about and have been working to get to. and still i feel as though I'm completely dreaming and almost denying it is happening even though i am completely aware it is. again, i will get more into detail about this in the blog. so just hold the fuck up, alright! :P i have a dirty mouth and for about half the day give or take a few hours a dirty mind, so i should say now if you don't think you handle what i have to say id advise you to stop reading now. not to mention i have been told that i have a mouth on me and most the time i happen to be that guy that says all the wrong things at the wrong time, or always come out wrong. certainly something i working on cause im really not a dick. i swear. cause the point of this thing is to just say whatever is in my head. trust me its just as awkward for you as it is for me. trust me. I'm pretty much an open book right now, so nothing is off limits. but if this helps to understand where i am at in life right now; not only am i using this as a tool to record this era of my life, but most of this is therapeutic to me, and the thought of other people reading this and getting inside my head (if they understand it or not depends. lol.) kinda pushes some of my buttons i like. don't ya think? oh well. So if you didnt catch from the title that i am a dancer . then i dont know what to tell you. dumbass. well that is me. i am a dancer. i love everything about dance, i truely do I even went as deep as to , the feeling it gives me when i move, the amazing people you ge to meet, well some aren't so great people but we just wont talk about them. continuing on. the passion it fills me with. never knowing where it is going to take me. who the fuck could not love that. me. right here. yes me. i couldn't love it more and and i am ready for more. feed me. OK I must make a quick shout out to the three people who truly are I can even find the word. Ummmm. I must just say that these three people are my sisters, my angels, my world. I would certainly take a bullet for them without out even having to think twice. Chrisi & Selina Kayo, and Rebecca Dilg. I will say though no one get me like these three, the memories, tears, lies, sex, drugs (Becca was the good girl so count her out for this one),fallouts, and what-not. but as Kennis would say “different cities, same area code”! not enough could be said about these girls. they are seriously how I got to where I have today, they inspire me and keep me in that fight for your dream mentality. well on that note and being done with the emotional part i think i should stop there and just do the damn thing already...ready. set. go.